I am in need of some advice. Last night I had a Halloween gathering. I had a few people that RSVP'd and said they couldn't make it and I had about 13 people that RSVP'd and said that they would be coming. So guess how many people showed up? ...
Guess how many people had the decency to call and tell me they couldn't make it? ...
I was crushed. I spent a good month planning this party. I spent money and time and even took a day off of work to decorate and bake for this party. And not one of those people called to tell me, 'hey, I'm not going to make it'.
The majority of these people that were no call/no shows I would expect this from. They are not really 'friends' but acquaintances. We only get together every once and a while. These people are the type that are always running late and like change plans a lot. So like I said, I would expect this from them.
However there are two particular people who I am just so upset over. This couple, (we will call them Harry and Joan) we have been friends with for years. We did have a falling out once before but we worked things out. At any rate...they said they would be coming. Joan even helped me plan for this party. Well I called Harry one hour before my party was to start to ask them to bring a bottle of sprite on their way. Harry says..."we would, but neither of us are coming."
Oh...okay...I hung up not knowing what to say. The kicker is I have a VERY strong suspicion that they ditched us to go see a lame cover band at a local bar. Its one thing if you have a legit reason for not coming...I understand that. But they weren't even going to call and tell me they weren't coming! They were just going to...not show up. And if I would have known that nine of my "friends" were going to just not show up, I would have cancelled my party to save myself the embarrassment that I felt in front of the three people that did show up.
I just don't know how to deal with situations like this. I went over to apologize to my neighbors about my lame party and in hindsight I probably made them feel even more uncomfortable than I did. Because they did the polite thing and said "its okay, we still had a great time." That was so nice of them and instead of saying the right thing "thank you"...I said..."oh, you don't have to lie". Oh its just like me to always make things worse than they are.
So now I am left thinking...is it me? Do I value friendships too much? Do I not value them enough? Did I do something? I just don't get it. Do I say something to these people, do I forgive and forget them?
I don't know. I was brought up in a home where answered the phone "hello, may I help you"...we offer to bring something to gatherings...when we leave we say thank you to the host. When you cant make it you CALL and say I CANT MAKE IT.
Ugh, I feel crushed, embarrassed, angry and lost. I need some advice. Why is being a good friend not important to anyone now-a-days?
And if Im make to big of a deal out of this, please let me know, you can be critical.