I am in need of some advice. Last night I had a Halloween gathering. I had a few people that RSVP'd and said they couldn't make it and I had about 13 people that RSVP'd and said that they would be coming. So guess how many people showed up? ...
Three.
Guess how many people had the decency to call and tell me they couldn't make it? ...
Zero.
I was crushed. I spent a good month planning this party. I spent money and time and even took a day off of work to decorate and bake for this party. And not one of those people called to tell me, 'hey, I'm not going to make it'.
The majority of these people that were no call/no shows I would expect this from. They are not really 'friends' but acquaintances. We only get together every once and a while. These people are the type that are always running late and like change plans a lot. So like I said, I would expect this from them.
However there are two particular people who I am just so upset over. This couple, (we will call them Harry and Joan) we have been friends with for years. We did have a falling out once before but we worked things out. At any rate...they said they would be coming. Joan even helped me plan for this party. Well I called Harry one hour before my party was to start to ask them to bring a bottle of sprite on their way. Harry says..."we would, but neither of us are coming."
Oh...okay...I hung up not knowing what to say. The kicker is I have a VERY strong suspicion that they ditched us to go see a lame cover band at a local bar. Its one thing if you have a legit reason for not coming...I understand that. But they weren't even going to call and tell me they weren't coming! They were just going to...not show up. And if I would have known that nine of my "friends" were going to just not show up, I would have cancelled my party to save myself the embarrassment that I felt in front of the three people that did show up.
I just don't know how to deal with situations like this. I went over to apologize to my neighbors about my lame party and in hindsight I probably made them feel even more uncomfortable than I did. Because they did the polite thing and said "its okay, we still had a great time." That was so nice of them and instead of saying the right thing "thank you"...I said..."oh, you don't have to lie". Oh its just like me to always make things worse than they are.
So now I am left thinking...is it me? Do I value friendships too much? Do I not value them enough? Did I do something? I just don't get it. Do I say something to these people, do I forgive and forget them?
I don't know. I was brought up in a home where answered the phone "hello, may I help you"...we offer to bring something to gatherings...when we leave we say thank you to the host. When you cant make it you CALL and say I CANT MAKE IT.
Ugh, I feel crushed, embarrassed, angry and lost. I need some advice. Why is being a good friend not important to anyone now-a-days?
And if Im make to big of a deal out of this, please let me know, you can be critical.
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11 comments:
Wow... now I feel as big as a ant. I'm so sorry I didn't call. I guess I was just out of it. My work had called me thursday night to cover a nigh-shift for someone last minute. AND then I had to work my regular shift til 5 on Friday. The rest of the night I was just trying to keep my eyes open so I can prepare for my own party tonight. It just slipped my mind and I am sincerely sorry for NOT calling you!!! I hope you can forgive me.
Of course I forgive you! You are my cousin and I know you and your intentions are never harmful. Yes,I would have liked a call or text, but I know that you didnt do it intentionally. I just dont know how to handle "Harry and Joan"..any advice on that?
Okay this is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves EVER. I hate it when people do that...its so damn rude!!!!!
Especially when you have spent time and money on something...mind you its not even about that, its just manners!
To be honest ,when this happens to me, I dont say anything at all to those people, I just refuse to invite them over again...I reckon they cant be good friends anyway.
Aaaaaarghhhh.....SO annoying!
As you can see this has happened to me before....and I am completely over it...not!
Your right, they cant be good friends anyway. Which totally sucks because I feel like I DONT want to loose their crappy friendship. Why do I feel that way? IDK
And you said that this has happened to you before and your not over it...excatly my point...how do we find resolution in a situation like this. Especially when it doesnt do any good to call them up and yell. LOL!
Thanks for your comment Haley.
Horrible, just horrible. So sorry that things turned out like it did. Just know that it`s not a reflection on you but rather on the guys who didn`t pitch up.
It beats my Halloween though. Somebody threw building sand through the sunroof of my car on Friday night. There was sand everywhere. I felt violated. I have never been so angry. Good thing I don`t know who did it cos my Christian faith would not have stopped me from opening a can of nasty on the moron.
Francois - Thats aweful, I dont know what posesses people to do things like that. Just stupidity. Im sorry that you had to deal with that.
Heather -
Doggone, I sure am sorry. Sorry it hurt your feelings and your Halloween!
I'd have to agree with Francois. This says a whole lot more about your friends than it does about you. They just screwed up. You've done nothing wrong here.
Hang in there. Keep your chin!
David
Many people nowadays are thoughtless. When my son got married a few months ago, there were 17 people who didn't show up for the reception, after RSVP'ing that they'd be there. People do not care about the planning and expense that goes into such things. I personally would not invite Harry & Joan the next time I have a party but that doesn't mean you have to give up the friendship with them. It certainly does test our Christianity, doesn't it.
Anonymous - Thank you for your comment.
That is such a shame about your sons wedding. That is so rude. Especially for a wedding because there is so much money and preperation that is involved. Wouldnt you like to send them a bill for their plate of food?!
It really does test our Christianity. Its hard not to be spiteful and mean.
The whole time I was reading I was hoping that Joan and Harry don't read your blog - but then again it is just rude.
My wife struggles with this, I am too laid back to get worked up. I choose to not care and trust that if they wanted to come they would, and if they don't they won't. But I know how frustrating it can be to plan, prepare, clean and emotionally put yourself into something that falls flat.
But that is the beauty of life and the messy struggle of relationships. We're all imperfect and bound to hurt each other. To bad you didn't invite me, I would have RSVP'd.
Kevin - I thought about that...ya know Harry and Joan reading my blog. But the fact is that MOST (I'd like to stress that MOST part) of my friends dont even read my blog. They have no interest in it I suppose. Which I guess works out for me because I can vent to my readers about them! LOL.
I may be a little 'high strung' I guess because I cant just not care. Id like to THINK I am laid back tho. Its a nice quality to have!
And I also thought about your point that we are all imperfect and hurt each other. You are so right, I have not been perfect to them either. In fact our friendship has always struggled a little (which is a whole other story and rant of emotions!) But I like to think that after something like this they would call and appologize for being so rude and they havent. I dont think they have a clue in the world as to how I feel. Very very dissapointing.
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