Tuesday, December 8, 2009


My company prides itself as being named one of the Top 25 Organizational Diversity Councils in the U.S. That’s great; it’s great for the U.S., it’s great for my company and it’s great for the employees. It’s really great for me because I am chained to my desk with said group of “diverse” people for 9 hours a day, 5 days a week get to come to work and learn all about my co-workers and what makes them “diverse”.

And by “diverse” I mean;
  • The girl who simply loves herself so much that she has a mirror hanging in her cube right next to her monitor so that she can watch herself type.

  • The germ-a-phobic who ran out of the bathroom when I sneezed (into a frickin tissue btw) and uses 8oz of Purell a day. (I am assuming the woman upstairs who wears a mask to work because of swine flu would do the same thing)

  • The man woman who always has a 5 o’clock shadow.

  • The spazoid who runs from her cube to the copier and then full on sprints back to her cube with her head down knocking people over on the way because she just loves her job so much and she is so important and she has so much work to do and just loves her job so much….um yeah…

  • The WAY TMI person who shares stories of bowel movements, illnesses and things that make you go GOD DAMN I wish I didn’t hear that now I have to go bang my head against the keyboard in hopes of jarring that image from my memory.

  • The cashier in the café who flips her lid when you pay for lunch with a $20 bill because “OH MY GOD!!! I don’t have change to give you even though it’s my job and even though I know that the ATM across the hall doesn’t dispense anything less than a $20 bill. How could you pay with a $20 bill?!?!” (Thank god I am on her good side although I’m sure she probably rolls her eyes at me when I walk away just like she does to that asshole in front of me that used a $20 bill to pay for his lunch)

Gosh I love my diverse office! And if you’re from my diverse office and reading this…don’t worry this is not about you, you are perfectly normal, you have no quirks and everyone loves you.

What makes people “diverse” in your office?

1 comment:

The Darbzilla said...

Oh, Heather, I love this! I have similar (or had - some of them got fired recently) people in my office. We have one we call The Troll... she's about 4' tall and lumpy looking, and she LOVES to spend her summers at the Ren Faire and at dog shows with her Shelties or whatever the hell dogs she has... and will corner you anywhere to talk about both at great lengths... she makes me shudder...